It Must Be McNabb’s Fault

Say it ain’t so. The sky has fallin. It’s a dark day. The end of an era.

BRIAN DAWKINS IS NO LONGER AN EAGLE!!

What the @#$%? How can they let the heart and soul of the team go? I’m so distraught. I need someone to blame. I know it’s not Reid‘s fault; he was at Pat’s downing a cheesesteak with provolone. It couldn’t have been Joe Banner; he was tied-up denying a secret meeting that never took place last week. What about Jeff Lurie? Nah. I know for a fact he was busy filling up his fleet of hybrids with used cooking oil. Who’s left?

AH, HAH!! I know who’s to blame. That damn Donovan McNabb, that’s who. The ever-crafty McNabb is up to his old tricks. You know, sneaking behind management’s back, making late night phone calls, scheduling clandestine meetings with the enemy. It’s pretty clear to me Don is trying his best to derail the 2009 Super Bowl train before it leaves the station. Obviously he’s the one who convinced B-Dawk to walk. As we speak he’s engineering a deal for Tra Thomas to relocate to a new city.

He’ll show that cheap front office for not giving him a new contract. This is what they get for not pursuing T.J. Houshmandzadeh, Leonard Weaver and Derrick Ward. No new toys for Don means the end of the road for the Eagles organization. He must be behind this dastardly plot. There’s no other reasonable explanation, right?

It can’t be that the Broncos overpaid for a 35 year-old safety. It can’t be that $7.2 million in guaranteed money was too much. I mean the Birds have tons of cap space. Why the hell aren’t they going all Dan Snyder and shelling out ridiculous contracts to good not great players? Why didn’t they re-sign Buckhalter and his five carries a game? What about Sean Considine‘s uncanny ability to not cover anyone? Wasn’t that worth anything? And what were they thinking when they traded toasty Lito Sheppard and his $11 million salary to the Jets for two lousy draft picks? What a bunch of idiots!!

It’s not like their collecting draft picks to move up in the first round to select Jason Smith or Michael Crabtree. Just because they traded up to acquire Shawn Andrews in 2004 doesn’t mean they’ll be smart enough to do that again. Nah. Maybe, just maybe, they aren’t interested in winning football games or championships. Perhaps they are purposely trying to infuriate the fan base by booting aging leaders out the door because they get a sick satisfaction from doing so. Reid, Banner and Lurie are nothin’ but evildoers bent on destroying the entire fabric of the Philadelphia Eagles franchise.

This must be why Don persuaded Dawk to pack his bags for ski country and is helping Tra find a new zipcode. And it’s why the Eagles won’t sign a free-agent not related to Shawn Andrews. At least that’s what McNabb and his twisted mind believes. Has the quarterback finally careened over the edge? Did the benching and booing cause him to lose his marbles? I’m afraid this may be the case. McNabb, and McNabb alone, is responsible for the Eagles abysmal attempts at improving their roster. So, if you’re looking to point the finger of blame, look no further than Donny Mac. It’s all his fault.