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Who Saw This Coming?

terrell_owensUhhhh… I guess everyone saw this coming. Locker-room baby and all-around malcontent Terrell Owens just got dumped by Dallas. At long last, Jerry Jones and his over-inflated ego made a correct decision. Whoa! I can’t believe I just praised leatherface Jones for a good managerial move. Find the nearest shelter. The end is nigh.

Since every other NFL blogger will be penning their two-cents on Mr. Owens, I guess it’s only fitting I offer my angle on the guy who once destroyed a great thing with the Eagles. I endured the TO circus a few years back and am actually shocked it took this long for him to wear out his welcome in Big D. Did he really last three seasons?

It must have been Tony Romo‘s dreamy eyes and winning smile that made TO’s heart go pitter-patter. Even though Romo has no clue how to win a big game when it really counts, he does have a charming personality capable of hypnotizing even the most self-indulgent wide receiver.

Tony was smart. He never dared criticize TO in a huddle by telling him to “shut up.” He knew TO’s little girl thin skin couldn’t handle being shown up by a quarterback. Instead, Romo just froze-out the petulant child dressed in the #81 uniform and threw to the more reliable Jason Witten. It took Owens a couple seasons to decipher Romo’s clever ploy, but once he did, the proverbial shit hit the fan.

Then came the whining: “WAAAHHH!! Tony don’t like me anymore. Tony don’t throw to me anymore, even though I’m open on every play. WAAAHHHH!!!”

Ah… I love it when TO’s fragile feelings are injured. I can’t believe that bastard Romo was so cruel to such a mature and gracious individual as Owens. #81 deserves better treatment. Hopefully, some needy team like the Raiders or Broncos will provide TO the nurturing support system he requires to excel.

The NFL can’t survive without Big Baby receivers. Plaxico Burress‘ future is already in doubt. Randy Moss is acting too grown-up since going to the Patriots. There are too many good guy receivers threatening to ruin the NFL with their “excellent practice habits” and “team first attitude.” Guys like Larry Fitzgerald, Reggie Wayne and Calvin Johnson behave too well to carry the Big Baby torch that TO, Moss and Chad Johnson perfected.

Maybe Michael Crabtree and Darrius Heyward-Bey will turn into first class douche-bags. My fingers are crossed. I can’t enjoy my NFL without prima donna wideouts strutting in the endzone after catching a touchdown pass with their team trailing by 30. So, please think nothing but good thoughts for TO. The NFL isn’t the same without him.

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  • http://heardinthecheapseats.com/ Anthony

    HAAAAAAA!!!!!…It’s amazing how certain people will just never get it.  I picture those people sitting alone in a rocking chair at age 60.  There’s your future TO!

  • Ian

    OD OD OD OD!!