The Eagles Will Employ the “Wyld Stallyns” Offense in ’09

How will the Eagles use Michael Vick? That’s the question Reid and Co. have yet to answer. Will they unleash a version of the “Wildcat?” Or could they be diagramming a souped-up spread option attack? No one knows for certain.

All this speculation prompted ITI to do a little digging. Our spies at NovaCare have uncovered hidden documents that should shed some light on the grand plan. We’re a bit perplexed by what the coaches have in mind, but who are we to argue?

This new offensive system is being referred to as the “Wyld Stallyns.” Named after the kick ass band formed by Bill S. Preston, Esq. and Ted “Theodore” Logan in the ’80s classic flick Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure.

We are... Wyld Stallyns!

Phase one of this newfangled scheme involves the use of two quarterbacks lining up in the backfield. The signing of Michael Vick was the first building block to success. A combo of Vick and McNabb will lead to many a sleepless night for defensive coordinators.

The new Bill and Ted.

However, for this ingenious plan to reach its full potential, one more piece must be added to the puzzle. A third quarterback. Let’s face it, Bill and Ted are nothing without Rufus. Therefore, Donovan and Michael will need someone to be their Rufus.

Don't worry, it will all make sense.

Who is qualified to assume this vital role? Which available quarterback can complete the “Wyld Stallyns” triple-threat? None other than Brett Favre… on a lawnmower. Huh?

The secret weapon.

The distraction of Favre riding his Snapper down the field will frighten and confuse defenses. How the hell do you counter that? Check out this indefensible alignment:

What the @#$% is this?!

We’re not sure if this formation is even legal. There’s nothing in the NFL rulebook that says you can’t utilize a lawnmower. I’m sure Reid did his homework. Since it would be Favre doing the riding, we’re confident the league will allow it.

For all you fans racking your brains over what the Eagles are going to do on offense, you can stop now. The mystery has been solved.

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