The Eagles Will Employ the “Wyld Stallyns” Offense in ’09

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How will the Eagles use Michael Vick? That’s the question Reid and Co. have yet to answer. Will they unleash a version of the “Wildcat?” Or could they be diagramming a souped-up spread option attack? No one knows for certain.

All this speculation prompted ITI to do a little digging. Our spies at NovaCare have uncovered hidden documents that should shed some light on the grand plan. We’re a bit perplexed by what the coaches have in mind, but who are we to argue?

This new offensive system is being referred to as the “Wyld Stallyns.” Named after the kick ass band formed by Bill S. Preston, Esq. and Ted “Theodore” Logan in the ’80s classic flick Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure.

wyld-stallions

We are... Wyld Stallyns!

Phase one of this newfangled scheme involves the use of two quarterbacks lining up in the backfield. The signing of Michael Vick was the first building block to success. A combo of Vick and McNabb will lead to many a sleepless night for defensive coordinators.

McNabb-Vick

The new Bill and Ted.

However, for this ingenious plan to reach its full potential, one more piece must be added to the puzzle. A third quarterback. Let’s face it, Bill and Ted are nothing without Rufus. Therefore, Donovan and Michael will need someone to be their Rufus.

rufus

Don't worry, it will all make sense.

Who is qualified to assume this vital role? Which available quarterback can complete the “Wyld Stallyns” triple-threat? None other than Brett Favre… on a lawnmower. Huh?

Favre-Lawnmower

The secret weapon.

The distraction of Favre riding his Snapper down the field will frighten and confuse defenses. How the hell do you counter that? Check out this indefensible alignment:

scan0001

What the @#$% is this?!

We’re not sure if this formation is even legal. There’s nothing in the NFL rulebook that says you can’t utilize a lawnmower. I’m sure Reid did his homework. Since it would be Favre doing the riding, we’re confident the league will allow it.

For all you fans racking your brains over what the Eagles are going to do on offense, you can stop now. The mystery has been solved.

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When Brett's around, no one's job is safe.

Favre on a lawnmower would be the greatest fullback in league history. Nobody could tackle him and he would absolutely destroy defenders as a lead blocker. I mean, literally destroy them. Rend the flesh from their bones.

in addition to my previous comment, any chance that favre on his lawnmower is any threat to the jobs of the groundskeepers at the linc. i can see the head groundskeeper's press conference now "i am the landscaper here. this is my grass. there is no threat to my job. i have been assured that this is just a compliment that will help put the team in postion to win"

whooaa awesome!! so i know the brett favre stuff is nonsense but is there any legitimacy to the rest involving two qb's in the backfield?

Trackbacks

  1. [...] The Iggles says that Andy Reid will not run a ‘Wildcat’ offense, but rather a ‘Wild Stallyns’.  Personally I thought ‘Wilddog’ would have been the right fit for an offense run by [...]

  2. [...] – How will the Eagles use Michael Vick in their lineup? Here’s one way. [...]

  3. [...] While the rest of the league may participate in variations of the Wildcat formation, the Eagles are going Bill and Ted and running the Wyld Stallyns.  I have no idea WTF this is all about, but any time I get to write about or link to a Bill and Ted related sports story I’m going to.  Plus it’s better than calling it the Wild Dog, amiright (nudge nudge wink)?  Be excellent to each other.  <insidetheiggles>  [...]

  4. [...] The Eagles Will Employ the “Wyld Stallyns” Offense in ‘09 – Inside the Iggles [...]