McNabb and Reid Hold Another Secret Meeting

My ITI spies have struck gold again. They got their hands on another clandestine meeting between Andy Reid and Donovan McNabb yesterday.

It’s been a long couple weeks for the Eagles, but thankfully it looks as if the fearless leaders of gang green are ready to right the sinking ship. Whew! That’s good news because I was close to tossing in the towel on the 2009 campaign.  Now I don’t have to.

Here’s the transcript from this super-secret-behind-closed-doors-under-lock-and-key-dark-corner meeting.

Don and Andy greet each other with a high five.

Reid: Great job on Sunday, 5. Those late touchdowns gave the impression we wanted to win. That’s exactly what I was looking for.

McNabb: Yeah, those 450 yards were pretty sweet! Glad I started me on my fantasy team. I’m 8-2 and heading for the playoffs.

Reid: Hah, me too, thanks to Akers.

McNabb: You crafty bastard, that’s why we kept kicking field goals. It all makes sense now.

Reid: Hey, I needed the points.

McNabb: You could have told me, I would’ve thrown a couple in the dirt to help you out.

Reid: Did I really need to let you in on it? We never score touchdowns in the red zone.

The two share a big laugh.

McNabb: That’s so true.

Reid: Alright, let’s get serious.

McNabb: I’m with ya, Big Red.

Reid: We have engineered another successful midseason swoon. The media is writing us off. Fans have given up. It’s a beautiful disaster.

McNabb: I trolled some message boards last night. They want Kolb.

Reid: Perfect! Now is the time when we win three straight. First up, da Bears. Should be easy.

McNabb: But not too easy, right?

Reid: Exactly. Last thing we need is those asshats at ESPN jumping back on our bandwagon. We’ll still commit stupid penalties and stall in the red zone, but a couple bombs to DeSean should be enough to notch a W.

McNabb: Then there’s the Cutler factor.

Reid: Yeah, he sucks big time. Problem is, I’m running low on cornerbacks.

McNabb: Why not have Vick play corner?

Reid: Nah, I’m saving him for the Falcons game.

McNabb: That will be crazy.

Reid: No doubt. When Mikey scores his first touchdown in the ATL, we’ll be the talk of the league.

McNabb: Just in time to flop against the Giants.

Reid: Of course. That goes without saying.

McNabb: So, are we looking at winning the division, or wild card again?

Reid: Hmm… I haven’t decided yet. Injuries are buzzkilling my ability to manipulate the season. May have to call in a couple favors.

McNabb: Michael Lewis told me Singletary loves the cheesesteaks.

Reid: Is that right? Well, a couple boxes from Pat’s should do the trick.

McNabb: This has been fun, but I gotta go polish the “must-win game” speech for my presser.

Reid: You and the media. Just tell ‘em you need to do a better job and be done with it.

McNabb: Hey, you can coach until you’re sixty. I have a second career to think about.

Reid: Whatever!

Phone rings. Reid picks it up.

Reid: Yello, uh huh… you wanna do what? Um, yeah… sounds… interesting. I’ll be right over… okay… see ya then.

Reid slams the phone down.

McNabb: What now?

Reid: McDermott wants to start Trent at middle linebacker.

McNabb: Oooh, good luck with that.

Reid: Yeah, thanks.

McNabb: Later, Big Red.

Reid buries his face in his hands and sighs.

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