The Weekly Reid/McNabb Meeting

Lucky for me, nobody has discovered the bug my ITI spies planted in Andy Reid’s office, because I find the weekly sitdowns between Big Red and Don fascinating. I had no idea how much control the coach and quarterback had over what happens on and off the field.

Here’s a look at yesterday’s confab:

Reid and McNabb are both kicked back in leather chairs smoking cigars.

Reid: Our plan is coming together nicely, 5.

McNabb: You said it Red. We uglied it up on Sunday night, but still got the W.

Reid: Ha, ha, ha… just the way I drew it up.

McNabb: You? Don’t ya mean, we?

Reid blows a couple smoke rings in McNabb’s face.

Reid: Two words: Kevin Kolb.

McNabb: Man, that ain’t cool. It’s my birthday and Thanksgiving.

Reid: Exactly. You should be thankful I haven’t benched your ass.

McNabb: Yeah, I guess you’re right.

Reid exhales a big puff of smoke.

Reid: As always.

McNabb: So, what’s the plan for the Redskins?

Reid: For some strange reason, they haven’t given up on the season. I hate teams that try hard all the time.

McNabb: Lame duck coach and quarterback, down two running backs, Cooley still out. Perfect time for a blowout.

Reid: Yeah, but I got me a dumb team. The youngins will screw it up.

McNabb: Not another squeaker?

Reid: We’ll keep it close for a while, then pull away. Ten or thirteen points sounds about right. Campbell will have a ridiculous turnover in the fourth quarter. It’s a given.

McNabb: Poor son-of-a-bitch can’t buy a break.

Reid: That whole franchise is clueless. I hear Joe Theismann might call plays this week.

McNabb: Ha! Good one.

Reid: I still gotta figure out who the hell to put at middle linebacker.

McNabb: What about Vick?

Reid: C’mon 5, get serious. I told you last week I’m saving him for the Falcons game.

McNabb: Right, I forgot.

Reid checks his watch.

Reid: Crap! I need to skedaddle. Got a Turducken waitin’ at home.

McNabb: Thanksgiving isn’t until tomorrow.

Reid: Maybe in your house. In the Reid abode we have a pre-Thanksgiving meal the night before.

McNabb (under his breath): No wonder you’re a fat mess.

Reid: What was that?

McNabb: Nuthin’!

Reid: You said something.

McNabb: Nah…

Reid: Hmm.

The phone rings.

McNabb: Ooh, better get that. Could be important.

Reid leers at Don as he snatches the phone.

Reid: Yello… uh huh… yeah… he did what? Oh, brother. Okay… I’ll be right there.

Reid slams the phone down.

McNabb: I’m afraid to ask.

Reid: Asante went to grab his glass of juice at lunch, but missed. Hurt his neck again.

McNabb: That sucks. Oh well, gotta run. There’s a birthday cake with my name on it.

Reid: Save me a piece?

McNabb (under his breath): Your big ass don’t need no cake.

Reid: What was that?

McNabb: Nuthin’!

Subscribe to ITI