It was another turbulent week in the NFC East as the Giants outlasted the Cowboys to regain the division lead. The Eagles continue to tease their fanbase for at least one more week by virtue of their 26-10 win at Miami. And Washington, well, whatever. This week, we’ll do a little vocab/word association game with our rankings. Enjoy.
1. New York Giants (7-6): Perplexing. Howelse can you describe this team? They spent a month looking like the walking dead, almost knocked off the Packers, then followed that effort with a season-saving win in Dallas. A win that occurred only after Dallas exploited a putrid New York secondary to build a 12-point lead late in the fourth quarter. Didn’t matter. A Tony Romo overthrow and Rob Ryan’s limp defense combined to form an Eiffel Tower that **** the Cowboys from behind.
What’s more, Brandon Jacobs actually looked like a competent NFL running back and Eli Manning was fantastic. It appears the Giants are now in the driver’s seat for the NFC East crown; thus, I fully expect them to lose this week when they play Washington.
2) Dallas Cowboys (7-6): Sodomy. Bonus word: Bravado. Everything about the Cowboys says, “Here in
Globo Gym Dallas, we’re better than you and we know it.” Except here’s the thing, they’re not. Jerry Jones can puff out his chest about his new stadium and its luxurious amenities. But his team doesn’t play particularly well there.
Rob Ryan can huff and puff about kicking ass and shutting up opponents. But it’s his defense that choked away a late lead and a likely division title along with it. So he probably shouldn’t talk.
DeMarcus Ware can yap about how Justin Tuck is jealous that he’s not in Dallas. Question is–jealous of what? Going 8-8 and missing the postseason? Being part of a team that’s won absolutely nothing over the past 15 years? Or maybe he meant Tuck should be jealous that he’s not playing with a quarterback whose insanely idiotic decision making costs his team three games each season. Dallas is the essence of a team that’s full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
3. Philadelphia Eagles (5-8): Presumptuous. Their smug, pompous, and brash front office declared this was the season they were going for it. It didn’t happen.
Stupid penalties, poor coaching decisions, and total oversight of key defensive positions clouded a season that could have been like a “dream.” See what I did there? With the dream thing? PUNS.
I can only hope the Eagles learned a few lessons from this season. Lessons such as:
1) Employ safeties and linebackers. Ones that make plays.
2) Don’t boldly proclaim the team’s greatness prior to the season. You guys aren’t the Phillies.
3) Aging, overpriced veterans aren’t the way to build depth.
4) Don’t hire an unqualified coach to be the architect of the defense.
I’m looking forward to next year when this team plays again as an underdog. The “dream team” hype soured this season from jump street.
4. Washington Redskins (4-9): Asscheeks. The Redskins are asscheeks. And the Eagles’ playoff hopes rest on their shoulders this week. Looking forward to it.