For a little while last night, Chris Mortensen was tweeting the names of players drafted in the first annual UFL draft. It was reminiscent of the NFL Draft back in April, minus the drama and intrigue. I took notice, but my interest was fleeting. Even Mort gave up after about an hour.
Perusing the list of draftees, no former Eagles jumped out. However, I’m sure there is some diligent blogger out there combing through past rosters searching for an obscure undrafted free agent or practice squad flunky who had a cup of coffee with the Birds a few years back. That would require intense research and I’m still exhausted from my wide receiver post on Wednesday.
A few “big” names did catch my eye: Chris Perry, the ex-Bengal and former first-round bust is now a proud member of the Orlando ????? (none of the teams have chosen a surname). The bumbling Adam Archuleta amazingly continues to find work, this time with the Las Vegas ?????. And BJ Sams, formerly of the Chiefs and Ravens, will be picking up stakes for San Francisco.
(Shockingly, Freddie Mitchell, Todd Pinkston and Tony Hunt went undrafted. UFL’s loss, if you ask me.)
Larry Fitzgerald’s bro Marcus is headed to San Francisco. He’s a receiver, who went to Marshall, but that’s where the comparisons to Randy Moss end. Family dinners at the Fitzgerald household this fall should be entertaining:
Comment from a drunk Uncle to Larry:
“Larry, you are lookin’ unstoppable this year. Super Bowl bound again!!I can feel it.”
Comment from same drunk Uncle to Marcus:
“Where the hell are you playin’, Marcus? CFL? XFL? Europe? I can’t keep track…”
John David Washington, son of the Oscar-winning Denzel Washington, will also shuffle off to the Bay area. I’m certain he will perform at a high level. Hopefully, he will put on a great act during training camp. He possesses star quality. I see glory in his future. I hear he got game. Okay, I’ll stop now.
Steve Sanders was picked by New York. It seems like yesterday when Steve was chillin’ at the Peach Pit with Brandon and Dylan and Andrea. I was under the impression Steve lived and breathed beach volleyball. I had no idea he excelled on the gridiron as well. Clearly, he’s a man of many talents.
Since the four UFL franchises require mascots, I thought I’d give them a helping hand. I’m nothing if not charitable. So, New York, Orlando, Las Vegas and San Francisco are the lucky cities. I’ve been tossing around several potential monikers for the last couple days. I feel confident these are more than suitable.
Orlando Black Magic – Ties in perfectly with their roundball neighbors.
Las Vegas Degenerates – A haggard alcoholic with bloodshot eyes and a three-day growth slumped at a $10 blackjack table sounds about right.
San Francisco Mighty Pucks – Named after the most hated cast member in the history of The Real World.
The UFL will thank me later. I’m not even asking for anything, but I will take a pair of 50-yard-line seats to the first game, if they are so inclined. I have a suspicion plenty of tickets are available.
Stay tuned for the UFL, coming to a football stadium near you this October. Are you ready?