Andy Reid Places A Call To Brad Childress
Good thing I had my covert ITI spies slip another mic into Andy Reid‘s office before Christmas. If not, I wouldn’t have gotten my grubby little paws on the transcript to this phone call that took place Sunday evening, after the Vikings annihilated the Cowboys.
It’s quite an eye opener. See for yourself.
Reid is tossing darts at a board with logos of all 31 NFL teams and yelling into his speaker phone.
Reid: Chilly, is that you, you old son-of-a-pistol?
Childress: Yeah, sorry to keep you on hold. Kinda busy up here right now.
Reid: No problem. I still remember what’s it like to win in the playoffs. I beat your sorry behind last year in case you forgot.
Childress: No, I didn’t forget.
Reid: Of course you didn’t. You’re not some wackjob, like that Rex Ryan.
Childress: Rex is a fine coach, Andy.
Reid: Yeah, yeah, I know, you don’t wanna talk bad about him in case you meet in the Bowl. I get it, but that hasn’t stopped him from badmouthing you.
Childress: Really? I hadn’t heard.
Reid: Yeah, well, apparently he got smashed off his rocker after beating the Bungals last week and let slip a few unkind words.
Childress: What did he say?
Reid: He called you a chrome-domed jackass who lets Brett Favre jerk you around by your, uh, er… your johnson.
Childress: My johnson?
Reid: Yeah, ya know, your wiener.
Childress: I understood what you meant.
Reid: Oh, sorry, I didn’t wanna use Rex’s term. Big Red don’t work blue.
Childress: Yes, I know. Thanks for telling me, but I don’t take stuff like that seriously.
Reid: I figured. Just wanted to keep my old pal informed.
Childress: I appreciate that.
Reid: No problem. Hey, guess what I’m doing right now.
Childress: I have no idea.
Reid: C’mon, guess.
Childress: Uh, going over the free agent list?
Reid: No. Try again.
Childress: Watching game tapes?
Reid: No. Again.
Childress: I, uh, really don’t know, Andy.
Reid fires a dart at the board. It lands on the Steelers logo.
Reid: I’m playing darts.
Childress: Sounds like fun.
Reid: Oh, it’s a freakin’ blast. Say, who would you want from the Steelers in exchange for McNabb?
Childress: They have Big Ben. Why would they want 5?
Reid: Hypothetically speaking. Pretend they didn’t have Ben.
Childress: I dunno. You guys need linebacker help. Maybe Lawrence Timmons.
Reid: Hey, that’s not bad Chilly. Think they’d go for it?
Childress: No.
Reid: Crap. What does the play-caller think?
Childress: Who?
Reid: The play-caller. Brett.
Childress: Um, I call the plays.
Reid: Yeah, right. That’s a good one buddy. Put him on the phone. I wanna hear his thoughts.
Childress: He’s not here.
Reid: C’mon, Bradley… don’t try to con me. I know Brett is sitting right next to you in that fancy hot tub you installed in your office.
Childress: Oh, alright… Brett?
Splashing water can be heard.
Favre: Is that Big Red? How the hell are you fatso?
Reid: I’m tip top you ol’ son-of-a-cannon.
Favre: Glad to hear it. I’m soaking the wing just like you taught me back in cheese land.
Reid: Fantastic. Got a question for ya?
Favre: Shoot lard ass.
Reid: Ya think the Steelers would take McNabb for Timmons?
Favre can be heard laughing hysterically.
Favre: You’ve been eatin’ too many cheestesteaks my friend. The ‘Burgh might part ways with Timmons if they were dealin’ for me, but not Donovan. I love him, but the dude hasn’t won a big game since 2004.
Reid: Aw heck, you’re right Brett. You’re always right.
Favre: That’s why I’m the best there ever was…
Reid: … and the best there ever will be.
Reid and Favre share a chuckle.
Favre: Gotta go fat man. ESPN wants to do another interview. You take care. And lay off the greasy fried food.
Reid: Will do. See ya you old gunslinger.
There’s a ‘click’ sound followed by a dial tone.
Reid: Hello? I wasn’t done talkin’ to Chilly. Oh well.
Reid turns off the speaker phone. Then he fires another dart at the board. It hits the Cardinals logo.
Reid: Hmm… Anquan Boldin still sounds unhappy. I wonder…