Reid and McNabb Unveil The Vick Plan
In their weekly meeting on Wednesday, Andy Reid and Donovan McNabb revealed what we fans have long been yearning to learn: how they plan to utilize Michael Vick so as to fully exploit his many talents. Hooray!
The plan all along was to wait until Vick’s triumphant return to Atlanta. Well, the wait is over. It’s the battle of the Birds on Sunday. Here’s a little behind the scenes peek at what the coach and quarterback have been concocting for the last three months.
Reid and McNabb clink glasses of Cognac.
Reid: Well, we cut the last one a bit close, but all that matters is we got a W.
McNabb: We were supposed to pull away.
Reid: How was I to know DeSean would get concussed? Westbrook getting hurt is a given, but not mighty mouse.
McNabb: I thought you were the mastermind. The man behind the curtain. The one with all the answers.
Reid: Alright, alright, that’s enough.
McNabb snickers to himself.
Reid: Onward and upward. It’s Vick time, baby!
McNabb: Yippee! We only had to wait twelve weeks.
Reid: Patience pays off, 5. Me and Marty have been burning the midnight oil designing plays.
McNabb: Are any of them gonna work?
Reid: Of course they’ll work. Just like our red zone package.
The two look at each other, then bust out laughing.
McNabb: That never gets old. Man, do we suck in the red zone.
Reid: You know it. And as long as Akers is bootin’ for my fantasy team, we’ll keep on suckin’.
McNabb: Classic.
Reid: Enough jibber jabber. Let’s focus on Vick.
Reid walks over to a chalk board and flips it over. Strange formations are scribbled all over the board.
McNabb: What the hell am I lookin’ at here, Big Red?
Reid: What we got here is a good ol’ fashioned Wishbone alignment. You, Weaver and Shady in the backfield with Mike under center.
McNabb: Ooh, do I get to carry the ball?
Reid: No.
McNabb: C’mon, I can hit the hole.
Reid: Really? Didn’t look that way against the Cowpukes.
McNabb: That was bad spot.
Reid: Whatever. Anyway, back to the Wishbone.
McNabb: How does it work?
Reid picks up a pointer and aims it at the chalk board.
Reid: Vick takes the snap, hands it to Shady. Shady runs left with Vick and Weaver leading the way. Then Shady will stop and throw it back to you. Vick will turn on the afterburners and go deep. All you gotta do is hit him in stride. Automatic six. Crowd goes bonkers, because it’s Vick. Game over.
McNabb: Hmm. I guess it could fly.
Reid: When have my gadget plays ever not worked?
McNabb: Um, onside kick–
Reid: Never mind.
McNabb: Double-reverse…
Reid: I said never mind!
McNabb: Okay, I’ll stop. What about Vick’s other nine snaps? Are we gonna run the same wacky play ten times?
Reid: Of course not. I might be crazy, but I’m not insane. I’ve got one where Vick takes the ball, hands it to you, then you throw it to Celek, who throws it back to you, then you hit Michael on a post route.
McNabb: That’s ridiculous.
Reid grabs a piece of chalk and starts scribbling feverishly on the board.
Reid: Okay, how about this… you run a keeper with Celek and Weaver leading the way, then fifteen yards down field, you lateral to Michael, who takes it to the house. It’s genius!
McNabb: No, it’s madness.
Reid: Okay, okay, forget that one. That’s stupid — Wait, I got it. We lineup to kick a field goal, except we use Vick as holder. Instead of placing the ball, he’ll flip it to Akers, who will sprint left and throw it to Vick, who will take it to the house. Brilliant!
McNabb: I gotta go. You’re freakin’ me out.
Reid hastily erases the board.
Reid: Wait, I haven’t shown you the one where Vick plays center.
McNabb starts to slowly back out of the office.
McNabb: Sounds great coach, uh, you keep drawing them up, while I call the nearest asylum.
Reid: Yeah, okay, I’ll keep at it. Be sure to stop by —
The office door slams shut. McNabb is gone.
Reid looks around, shrugs his shoulders, then resumes drawing.
Reid (mumbling to himself): We could put Michael in the I formation…