Sometimes, when one has too much free time, the mind can wander. Here’s a question. Is it the Dallas Cowboys that the Philadelphia Eagles take issue with, or does the rivalry exist more so because it’s so easy to despise Cowboys fans?
Raise your hand if you tune in to ESPN’s First Take every morning after a Cowboys loss so you can watch Stephen A. Smith ether them one more time. You know what? We just answered our own question. Every self-respecting Birds fan despises both the Cowboys and their fans.
We don’t like Jerry Jones or Tom Landry. We get sick every time we watch Michael Irvin on television, and every time Joe Buck and Troy Aikman are assigned to an Eagles game, we place the television on mute and listen to Merrill Reese and Mike Quick’s call on 94 WIP-FM.
Jerry could implode AT&T Stadium tomorrow. Eagles fans would sleep like babies.
Here are ten commandments for Eagles fans to make the task of dealing with Cowboys fans easier.
We don’t have to explain to you how annoying it is to see a Cowboys fan in your comment section. Heck, we don’t have to explain why seeing one at the supermarket is annoying. Cowboys fans are never going to go away. In all honesty, we don’t want them to. Rivalries are what make the NFL so much fun.
Still, if you find one in your personal space, you’ll have to know how to govern yourselves. Follow these rules, and the task will be an easier one.
1. This is the NFL’s most delusional fan base. Once you get that, everything else is easy.
Seriously, have you ever tried to rationalize anything with a Cowboys fan and left the conversation feeling enlightened or like you were taught something about the game?
2. Never lose sight of the fact that this is the NFL’s most football-illiterate fan base.
This one ties into the first rule. How many times have you spoken with a Cowboys enthusiast and asked yourself “what in the world are they talking about”?
3. Cowboys fans don’t know more about their own team than you do… Everyone except for Dallas fans knows what that means.
True Cowboys fan prides themselves on being NFL historians while often being confused about the facts. That brings us to the next rule.
4. Don’t get into a discussion about facts. You’ll only frustrate yourselves.
Right now, you’re probably thinking of about 100 or so times that this has happened. That’s okay. That’s why we’re here.
5. Don’t engage if at all possible. They’re like a former spouse/significant other who never got over the fact that you dumped them, and they’ll do whatever it takes to strike up an argument (one that they’re wrong about).
We really don’t have to expound on this. Again, you’re probably thinking of about another 100 or so times that this has happened.
6. Cowboys fans only want to bring up historical facts if it benefits THEIR argument.
No one lives in the past more than the Dallas Cowboys fan base. They’d just rather not travel there when they’re forced to face some truth they’d rather not remember.
7. Don’t get into a back-and-forth about how many Super Bowls they’ve won. Most of them don’t remember them anyway.
Nothing else needs to be said here, does it?
8. Remember that you don’t have to defend your team’s current standing. Eagles fans have always had realistic expectations. We know what our team is and where they are. It’s Cowboys fans who are confused.
A Cowboys fan will often try to irritate you by discussing the last time their team beat the Eagles. That’s the largest weapon in their arsenal. It’s also a defense mechanism. Internally, they’re dealing with the nightmares that come with being disappointed every year for almost three decades.
9. Never… Ever… are you to refer to the Cowboys as ‘America’s Team’.
The term ‘America’s Team’ comes from an old NFL Films presentation. We’d bet large sums of money that Cowboys fans didn’t know that before reading this… Again, there’s an ever-present lack of knowledge that follows this fa base.
10. Don’t spend a ton of time getting to know one. As soon as their season ends (because it will) you may never hear from them again.
You’ll never see more Cowboys fans than when their team is enjoying a few wins, and no fan base goes into hiding more rapidly when the sky falls. The term ‘bandwagon’ may very well have come from this so-called ‘Ameria’s Team’.