Roasting the 2015 Philadelphia Eagles Offseason

5 of 5

Dec 7, 2014; Philadelphia, PA, USA; Philadelphia Eagles guard Evan Mathis (69) on the sidelines against the Seattle Seahawks during the second half at Lincoln Financial Field. Mandatory Credit: Jeffrey G. Pittenger-USA TODAY Sports

The Remaining Needs

Offensive Guard/Twitter Humor Specialist

With Herremans gone and Evan Mathis reportedly on the trade block, I don’t know what to say. Mathis is irreplaceable on social media, and it’s infuriating because he’s worth the $6.5M in cap space for what he does in 140 characters or less. Couple in that he’s a phenomenal football player, and it looks completely asinine. Sorry you had to be 33 years old, big guy.


Still. Every year. Forever.

Wide Receiver

Thanks, Jeremy. I’m glad you love money as much as I like realizing that the entire 2009 Draft was a complete waste of time. Save us, Jordan Matthews. Better yet, don’t, because then you’ll want to be paid too. No win situation.

Outside Linebacker

I’m legitimately happy for Brandon Graham’s new contract, but there’s a need to replace Trent Cole or at least keep an OLB rotation in place. There’s no way you can tell me Marcus Smith II is the next man up after barely being allowed on the bench in 2014 and not expect a cold sweat to break out. Best case, I’m wrong and he rushes the passer like no man has ever rushed the pass before. If that happens, great! One less problem to keep me up at night. Until then, keep your options open Chip, Howie can’t hurt you any more.

Marcus Mariota


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