The Philadelphia Eagles’ Season Is All But Over


The Philadelphia Eagles are really, really, really bad.

Another week, another embarrassing loss from the preseason Super Bowl champion Philadelphia Eagles. This week, it was the Tampa Bay Buccaneers‘ turn to make them look silly.

In a 45-17 route Sunday, the Eagles caused countless innocent fans to feel the effects of depression and anxiety, resulting in heavy day drinking and violent binge eating.

The scene was ugly. Not only did the Eagles allow rookie quarterback Jameis Winston to light up the scoreboard five separate times through the air, but they also allowed close to 300 yards on the ground. At one point, Doug Martin had run for 172 yards on only 10 carries. For those of you who aren’t very good at math, he was averaging 17.2 yards per carry. But that’s okay, because the Eagles were able to step up and bring that number down to an average of only 8.7 yards per carry!

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Believe it or not, there was actually a time during this shameful fiasco in which the Eagles were, what fans of good football teams like to call, “in the lead” after Sam Bradford‘s replacement, Mark Sanchez, threw a short pass to Josh Huff as he danced his way into the end zone for a score. That didn’t last very long, though, as the Buccaneers proceeded to dominate every aspect of the game, essentially suplexing the Eagles’ self respect and dignity through a wooden table before slamming it time and time again with a steel chair.

This was quite possibly the worst game the Eagles have played since, well, Week 2 against the Dallas Cowboys. The play was difficult to watch, but the lack of effort was even worse. The team looked completely drained of heart and enthusiasm for life in general and it was truly an awful performance for anyone to have to witness. I’m not sure who I feel worse for, the people who were unlucky enough to spend their hard-earned money to go to this game in person or the players for what they’ll have to deal with in practice this week.

The players were bad, but the coaching was just as comical. Chip Kelly’s “innovative” offense was constantly punting the ball away and, if they weren’t punting, they were turning the ball over. Defensive Coordinator Billy Davis‘ play calling was even worse as he essentially invited Tampa Bay to shove the ball down his defense’s throat over and over again. Something tells me his wife is going to make him sleep on the sofa tonight.

But, in a way, I’m kind of happy the Eagles lost the way they did. Simply because of the hilarious gifs presented on social media immediately following the mugging.

Philadelphia’s next game comes on not-so-Thanksgiving Day against the Detroit Lions, who have now won two straight games against the Green Bay Packers and Oakland Raiders. After the long break, the Eagles will take on the New England Patriots, Buffalo Bills, and Arizona Cardinals in consecutive weeks.

The Eagles’ chances of suffering a six-game losing streak are very, very real, which isn’t exactly ideal considering that the Eagles are, by some miracle, still very much in the chase for the NFC East title.

Whether they somehow win the NFC East or not, the season is a goner. Pretending they do win the NFC (L)East, they will more than likely be eliminated from the playoffs immediately. Probably in a very violent fashion.

This game has assured me that the 2015 Eagles are all but finished. At this point, we are just dealing with scrimmages until the end of the year. Once that happens, who knows what Chip Kelly will have in store for us in the offseason.

That is, if he’s even around for it.