Roasting the 2015 Philadelphia Eagles Offseason

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Nov 10, 2014; Philadelphia, PA, USA; Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Jeremy Maclin (18) makes a reception against the Carolina Panthers during the first quarter at Lincoln Financial Field. Mandatory Credit: Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports

The Tearful Goodbyes

G Todd Herremans (Released)

Not a great time to lose a starting guard on the least durable part of the 2014 Eagles, but it was time to get younger and more dominant up front. Dare I say, Herremans was the weakest link of the intended starting five offensive lineman.

We all have love for the Toddfather, but a clean start was needed. He’ll be a nice option for the Indianapolis Colts, whether called upon as depth or starter. Hard to be jaded about Herremans. So far, this article is a complete failure. Not a single hint of snark.

CB Cary Williams (Released)

Bravo, bravo! Not a moment too soon, the offseason is officially a rousing success. Two thumbs up. Addition by subtraction in my eyes, even though he wasn’t as bad statistically as it felt like while watching the games live.

Either way, the decorative specialist by trade and “cornerback” by title will join the Seattle Seahawks as they continue aspirations for the most flags (not to mention forced bravado) in NFL history by one defensive unit. 

The only thing I’ll miss more than Williams casually strolling towards a receiver post-play after blowing a coverage assignment is watching Bradley Fletcher try to intercept passes with his face.

More from Inside the Iggles

LB Trent Cole (Released)

Damn. We all knew it was going to happen some day, but perhaps not as unceremonious as a mid-week release. Same situation as Herremans, it had to happen sooner or later. The second all-time sack leader for the Eagles, just two years removed from a switch to outside linebacker, was deemed expendable after Philadelphia legend Earl Thomas Brandon Graham dramatically outplayed him in pass rush despite significantly fewer snaps. 

He follows Herremans to Indianapolis, since the only thing stopping the Colts from a surefire Super Bowl berth are aging veterans who weren’t performing well enough in 2014 to be retained by the team that drafted them.

WR Jeremy Maclin (UFA, Signed – Kansas City Chiefs)

Just when you thought you shook the final nightmares of Andy Reid’s woeful time management or carefully concocted NFL Draft blunders, Big Red returns to flip one final middle finger to those who watched said nightmares for twelve years. Maclin will now be suiting up for an absurd $11 million per year, which is just $2M more than the Eagles reportedly offered during the season

Maclin can now put his championship dreams in the NFL to rest as a member of the Chiefs, but he’ll have a barbeque joint named after him as long as he can find the end zone just one time in 2015 (100% more times than the entire team in 2014, for those scoring at home).

S Nate Allen (UFA, Signed – Oakland Raiders)

I’m not sure if the funniest part of this is that Nate Allen got so much guaranteed money ($11.8M), or that Nate Allen is now on the Raiders. Either way, his agent is one of the best negotiators in history and shows me that anything is possible if you work hard enough.

It’s a match made in heaven, with the west coast’s most irrelevant franchise for nearly all of my cognizant memory and the Eagles secondary’s most almost-good safety for five years running. For Eagles fans, the Broncos-Raiders matchups in 2015 are now must-see television. Woof.

Next: The Warm Welcomes, Part One